Twenty weeks down and twenty to go...give or take. When we went for our u/s, she was measuring a week ahead, so maybe that'll mean I won't make it to Feb. 14. Who knows...maybe I'll go past my due date. It would be pretty special to have her born on Valentines Day though. I always get "awww" when I tell people my due date. February seems so far away, but the first 5 months went by pretty quickly, so I'm sure the next 5 will fly by too. Actually, it seems that the last 2 1/2 years are a blur, despite everything we went through to get here.
Speaking of the last couple years...I never thought in a million years that I would end up having trouble getting pregnant. (I've said this before) I don't think anyone grows up thinking that. But, the reality is that it happens to many couples. It is more common than people realize because it is not talked about openly. People want to share their happy stories of getting pregnant after 2 months or trying for their 3rd or 4th. These people will never know the pain and heartache that comes with infertility. I, on the other hand, will never forget the darkness and the doubt that I faced for what seemed like forever. Although, I am sitting here truly blessed with a miracle and can touch my growing belly as a reminder that I really am pregnant, I know that without modern medicine I would probably not have a chance to carry a child. I think the best thing I ever did was "come out" about my struggles. After having so many colleagues ask me about having a baby, I couldn't take it anymore without punching someone in the face. So, when I had my surgery to unblock my tubes, I had my principal explain to the staff what was going on with me. After that...no one asked about me having babies. Instead, they said they were praying for us and hoping for the best. What more could I have asked for besides prayers. And I believe they were heard and answered.
Shortly after coming out at work, I had a "friend" confide in me that he and his wife were struggling with infertility also and had been for years. We became close and became a support system for eachother as we both faced IVF. I know that if I had never told the staff, he would've never opened up to me and we both would've continued going through fertility treatments in silence. I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I am happy that I did not suffer in silence. My family knew, my friends knew, and my co-workers knew and in turn, I had a strong support system and became almost proud of what TJ and I have survived. I know it has made us a better couple and it has made me a stronger person. It has also made me and everyone around me aware of infertility and empathetic to every person I know experiencing it and everyone I saw walk through those doors at the fertility clinic. I also know that there are worse things that can happen in life, but when you want a baby so bad and cannot have one, it does become the worst possible thing that can happen to you.
At the end of the day, I went through what seemed like the worst possible thing to ever happen to me to the best possible thing that has ever happened to me. I am proof that there is hope, when things seem hopeless. I have been hopeless and am now full of new hopes, not only for her, but for our whole family. I hope that when my daughter is old enough, that she will one day understand just how much she means to us and how long we waited to meet her and what a true miracle she really is.
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