So, it's been a year since I wrote in this blog. That just goes to show how busy a person can be with ONE child! Last time I wrote, Charlee was 1. So much has changed since then. She's 2 now, obviously, and is getting bigger every day. The biggest achievement is that she started daycare in February. It was a transition for all of us, since she had been with a private sitter for almost 2 years. I've had some issues, but overall, it's been a great thing for Charlee. She's grown and is learning so much. She sings her ABC's, she counts to about 14, she is much more verbal now. Her favorite words are "NO", or "MINE". She also says things like..."not yet, 5 minutes, right here, I'm sorry mama, come Rocco, mommy's coffee"....and much more. She loves watching Tangled, Frozen, Little Mermaid, and 101 Dalmations, which she calls the "doggie movie". She also likes Funniest Home Videos and Family Feud. I don't care, judge me for allowing her to watch TV, but this mama needs some free time in the day!
Health wise, she's doing great too. Her cleft appointment in March went great. She is being referred for a speech evaluation, which is next week. She isn't saying certain sounds right, so we're going to see if she needs some speech therapy. She has been sick a lot since starting school. I'm talking 5 times in 5 weeks, but she has been doctor free for over a month now...knock on wood!
I'm about to be on summer vacation, so I look forward to spending more time with her. Although she will be going to school during the summer, I'll only send her a few days a week. I have to pay full price anyway, so might as well send her right? I may look into gymnastics classes for her and take her to Disney or something.
Overall, being her mommy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's funny, she's entertaining, she's sweet, she's happy, and of course she's super smart! She's loved by all who knows her. I thank God for her everyday and pray that he will continue to protect her and watch over her forever.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Sunday, June 8, 2014
My heart is full
Have you ever loved someone so much it brought you to tears? That's literally how I feel when I think about Charlee. I think about how she'll grow up and accomplish things or her first day of school, but I also think of how she could be hurt or if anything bad ever happened to her, I'd die. I can't imagine my life without her now. She is such a huge part of our lives and is the driving force behind everything we do. I guess that's life and who would want to live a life without that kind of love. What would be the point?
Speaking of Charlee, she is absolutely an angel from above. She is almost 16 months. She's funny, she's happy, she's smart, and she's a mama's girl. She loves to dance and will start moving as soon as she hears music. It's hilarious. It's crazy the things she has learned, like throwing her trash in the trash can, or pretending to talk on the phone, or going to get the iPad when we say "do you want to see grandma and grandpa?". She says a few words like: mama, dada, hi, Elmo, Lola (the sitters dog). She has said grandma and Rocco before and can tell you what a dog, cow, and owl says. When I tell her it's night night time and time to read a book, she knows to kiss daddy goodnight and walks to her room. We think she's a genius, naturally.
We are absolutely in love with her. I'm looking forward to spending more time with her this summer, while I'm off work, and watching her grow and learn more. It is much easier now getting her out and about and knowing her schedule. We love waking up on Saturday mornings with her, having our coffee, while she plays in her playroom and watches cartoons. Life sure has changed, but we wouldn't change it for anything. My heart is full, as is my life.
Speaking of Charlee, she is absolutely an angel from above. She is almost 16 months. She's funny, she's happy, she's smart, and she's a mama's girl. She loves to dance and will start moving as soon as she hears music. It's hilarious. It's crazy the things she has learned, like throwing her trash in the trash can, or pretending to talk on the phone, or going to get the iPad when we say "do you want to see grandma and grandpa?". She says a few words like: mama, dada, hi, Elmo, Lola (the sitters dog). She has said grandma and Rocco before and can tell you what a dog, cow, and owl says. When I tell her it's night night time and time to read a book, she knows to kiss daddy goodnight and walks to her room. We think she's a genius, naturally.
We are absolutely in love with her. I'm looking forward to spending more time with her this summer, while I'm off work, and watching her grow and learn more. It is much easier now getting her out and about and knowing her schedule. We love waking up on Saturday mornings with her, having our coffee, while she plays in her playroom and watches cartoons. Life sure has changed, but we wouldn't change it for anything. My heart is full, as is my life.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
1 year old and thriving...
Once again, it's been way too long since I've written. I think we were a few weeks post-op when I wrote last. It took about a good three weeks total for Charlee to finally return to normal sleeping patterns. Although, she was still waking up at least once a night, expecting to be craddled back to sleep. We were guilty of that for sure. Since she wasn't taking a bottle anymore, I'd rock her to sleep and then rock her again, if she woke up in the middle of the night. We finally had to break that cycle and try the cry out method. It only took a few days of that and she was back to sleeping through the night. She's such a fast learner! It's so nice now because I can just kiss her goodnight and lay her down and she puts herself to sleep. We're going on several weeks of sleeping through the night. SO..hopefully this means it will stay like this (yea right).
I can't believe the surgery is 2 months behind us now. She's had all her follow up appointments and everything is going well and looking promising. She's been taking steps for about a month now and is slowly walking more and more each day. She says "mama, Rocco(the dog), and Ella"...the little girl from daycare. She still has yet to say "dada", but we're drilling it daily!
She had her 1st birthday and we threw a big party. It was a fiesta theme and I think everyone had a good time. She did great and looked so cute in her tutu. TJ's parents came down for that, so that was nice to have them here. She ate a little bit of her cake, mostly icing. We had a pinata and a bounce house for the kids and beer and wine for the adults. :))
She just had her 1 year check up and is progressing well. The only concern is that she still isn't drinking...but wouldn't ya know that she finally sucked through a straw last night, after her appointment. So, maybe this will be the start of her drinking. Now, I need to go buy a few cups with straws. She's also eating like a piglet! She loves eggs and yogurt. She'll eat cut up veggies and fruit, french toast sticks, chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, and mashed potatoes. Hopefully this means she will not be a picky eater, but we'll see.
All in all, we are in an "easy" phase right now. I feel like in the last year, there's been "easy" times and "hard" times. Right now, it's easy. We're in a routine with her and we have a playroom for her now where we spend alot of time. T.J. and I share the roles and can take her anywhere. I'm looking forward to Easter with her, and the beach in the summer, and the plane ride we are taing in a week to head back to meet all of TJ's Missouri family. That should be interesting.
I can't believe the surgery is 2 months behind us now. She's had all her follow up appointments and everything is going well and looking promising. She's been taking steps for about a month now and is slowly walking more and more each day. She says "mama, Rocco(the dog), and Ella"...the little girl from daycare. She still has yet to say "dada", but we're drilling it daily!
She had her 1st birthday and we threw a big party. It was a fiesta theme and I think everyone had a good time. She did great and looked so cute in her tutu. TJ's parents came down for that, so that was nice to have them here. She ate a little bit of her cake, mostly icing. We had a pinata and a bounce house for the kids and beer and wine for the adults. :))
She just had her 1 year check up and is progressing well. The only concern is that she still isn't drinking...but wouldn't ya know that she finally sucked through a straw last night, after her appointment. So, maybe this will be the start of her drinking. Now, I need to go buy a few cups with straws. She's also eating like a piglet! She loves eggs and yogurt. She'll eat cut up veggies and fruit, french toast sticks, chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, and mashed potatoes. Hopefully this means she will not be a picky eater, but we'll see.
All in all, we are in an "easy" phase right now. I feel like in the last year, there's been "easy" times and "hard" times. Right now, it's easy. We're in a routine with her and we have a playroom for her now where we spend alot of time. T.J. and I share the roles and can take her anywhere. I'm looking forward to Easter with her, and the beach in the summer, and the plane ride we are taing in a week to head back to meet all of TJ's Missouri family. That should be interesting.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
2 weeks post surgery
It's been 2 weeks since Charlee's surgery and I'm finally getting a free minute to catch up on my blog...since I'm not using this time to actually sleep! Something we've been deprived of for 2 weeks now, but before I get into that, let me go back to surgery day...
The night before surgery, everything went as planned. We woke her up at 11:30 for her last formula bottle, which she drank and went back to sleep. Then, we woke her up at 4 am to get ready. She drank her last clear liquid bottle on the way to the hospital. First time for apple juice was a success. We picked up TJ's mom on the way and arrived at the hospital by 5:30 am. We were in admitting and pre op for about 2 hours. She was amazing...laughing, playing, jumping around. She definitely kept us calm. My parents arrived before she went back and everyone got a kick out of her spunk. Around 7:30, it was time for them to take her. I kissed her and began to cry. I watched the top of her little head, as she was wheeled down the hall in her crib. A vision I will never forget. I lost it for a few minutes, but sat in the waiting room for 2 1/2 hours relatively calm. As soon as we saw our surgeon, we jumped up, awaiting her news. She was all smiles and said everything went great. Shortly after, a volunteer came to get us to go back to recovery to see Charlee.
I was so nervous to see her, scared of what she would look like. She was completely out, swollen cheeks, with a little blood dripping out of her mouth. They had to sedate her when she came out of surgery because she was somewhat hysterical. So, we all took turns, going back there to see her. After probably about 30 minutes, she woke up, crying. The nurse had to check her out before giving her to me. She was just sobbing, looking at me like how could you do this to me mom? Finally, I held her and that settled her down. The hospital was overbooked, so we ended up waiting for about 3 hours just to get a room. We ended up in PICU and she was given another dose of Morphine as soon as we got up there. You could tell she was totally out of it.
By the nighttime, she was beginning to show signs of her old self. At one point, in the middle of the night, she was actually laughing and scaling the sides of the crib. I thought: "Is this girl for real?" I think maybe the morphine was still kicking in. She drank fluids and slept on and off through the night, with no drops in sats, so we were able to go home the next day.
Overall, she did really well during the days, but the nights have been a nightmare. For the first week, we kept her medicated around the clock. She would be up at all hours of the night,moaning and groaning. My MIL and myself would take turns during the night, holding her and walking her around the house. After several days of that, her and I both were physically exhausted. Even after bad nights, Charlee would be in good spirits during the day. I believe it was 4 days post op and she was bouncing in her bouncer. It's amazing to me how well she's done, considering what went on in that little mouth of hers.
I wish I could say that her sleeping habits have improved, but as I'm sitting here on 3 hours of sleep, I can say that's not the case. I have no idea what is keeping me going. Some nights have been better than others. She'll only wake 3 times, instead of 5. There's just no way to tell how it's going to go. There have been times where I've broke down crying, begging God to make it better. There's been nights where I've driven her around the neighborhood, just to get her to sleep. I say it's like having a newborn again, but worse, because she won't take a bottle. She won't take liquids at all, unless we get a few syringes down her when we're lucky. That's really the only issue we're having. She won't take a bottle or a cup. She hasn't had formula since the hospital. It's concerning, but as long as she's not dehydrated, I guess it's ok. I'm assuming her mouth is still sore and a nipple of any kind, irritates it. I guess when she's ready, she'll drink again.
All in all, the whole experience has been better than we expected. I dreaded this surgery for so long and can't really believe it's over. I definitely was not prepared for the weeks after...dealing with no sleep, the on and off crying one minute and laughing the next. She has no routine right now, so I know that it's going to be hell getting her back into one. I'm hating it right now, but I know that it'll get better and I just have to hang in there. That's really all I can do. I don't want to discredit TJ, because he's helped as much as he could with work. I can't expect him to stay up all night and go to work the next day. Although, I go back in 4 days, so I'm hoping Charlee makes a miraculous turn around very quickly.
My MIL flies in on Saturday to help for a week, so I know that will make things better. Thank God it's behind us now and we can move on with the hopes that she will heal properly and completely and MAYBE this will be her only surgery. She will grow and develop normally from here on out and we can just simply ENJOY being parents to her. I hope and I pray for that.
The night before surgery, everything went as planned. We woke her up at 11:30 for her last formula bottle, which she drank and went back to sleep. Then, we woke her up at 4 am to get ready. She drank her last clear liquid bottle on the way to the hospital. First time for apple juice was a success. We picked up TJ's mom on the way and arrived at the hospital by 5:30 am. We were in admitting and pre op for about 2 hours. She was amazing...laughing, playing, jumping around. She definitely kept us calm. My parents arrived before she went back and everyone got a kick out of her spunk. Around 7:30, it was time for them to take her. I kissed her and began to cry. I watched the top of her little head, as she was wheeled down the hall in her crib. A vision I will never forget. I lost it for a few minutes, but sat in the waiting room for 2 1/2 hours relatively calm. As soon as we saw our surgeon, we jumped up, awaiting her news. She was all smiles and said everything went great. Shortly after, a volunteer came to get us to go back to recovery to see Charlee.
I was so nervous to see her, scared of what she would look like. She was completely out, swollen cheeks, with a little blood dripping out of her mouth. They had to sedate her when she came out of surgery because she was somewhat hysterical. So, we all took turns, going back there to see her. After probably about 30 minutes, she woke up, crying. The nurse had to check her out before giving her to me. She was just sobbing, looking at me like how could you do this to me mom? Finally, I held her and that settled her down. The hospital was overbooked, so we ended up waiting for about 3 hours just to get a room. We ended up in PICU and she was given another dose of Morphine as soon as we got up there. You could tell she was totally out of it.
By the nighttime, she was beginning to show signs of her old self. At one point, in the middle of the night, she was actually laughing and scaling the sides of the crib. I thought: "Is this girl for real?" I think maybe the morphine was still kicking in. She drank fluids and slept on and off through the night, with no drops in sats, so we were able to go home the next day.
Overall, she did really well during the days, but the nights have been a nightmare. For the first week, we kept her medicated around the clock. She would be up at all hours of the night,moaning and groaning. My MIL and myself would take turns during the night, holding her and walking her around the house. After several days of that, her and I both were physically exhausted. Even after bad nights, Charlee would be in good spirits during the day. I believe it was 4 days post op and she was bouncing in her bouncer. It's amazing to me how well she's done, considering what went on in that little mouth of hers.
I wish I could say that her sleeping habits have improved, but as I'm sitting here on 3 hours of sleep, I can say that's not the case. I have no idea what is keeping me going. Some nights have been better than others. She'll only wake 3 times, instead of 5. There's just no way to tell how it's going to go. There have been times where I've broke down crying, begging God to make it better. There's been nights where I've driven her around the neighborhood, just to get her to sleep. I say it's like having a newborn again, but worse, because she won't take a bottle. She won't take liquids at all, unless we get a few syringes down her when we're lucky. That's really the only issue we're having. She won't take a bottle or a cup. She hasn't had formula since the hospital. It's concerning, but as long as she's not dehydrated, I guess it's ok. I'm assuming her mouth is still sore and a nipple of any kind, irritates it. I guess when she's ready, she'll drink again.
All in all, the whole experience has been better than we expected. I dreaded this surgery for so long and can't really believe it's over. I definitely was not prepared for the weeks after...dealing with no sleep, the on and off crying one minute and laughing the next. She has no routine right now, so I know that it's going to be hell getting her back into one. I'm hating it right now, but I know that it'll get better and I just have to hang in there. That's really all I can do. I don't want to discredit TJ, because he's helped as much as he could with work. I can't expect him to stay up all night and go to work the next day. Although, I go back in 4 days, so I'm hoping Charlee makes a miraculous turn around very quickly.
My MIL flies in on Saturday to help for a week, so I know that will make things better. Thank God it's behind us now and we can move on with the hopes that she will heal properly and completely and MAYBE this will be her only surgery. She will grow and develop normally from here on out and we can just simply ENJOY being parents to her. I hope and I pray for that.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Twas the night before surgery...
It's finally here. Our surgery date. I cannot believe it's been 10 months. I've known about this surgery for so long, but it always seemed so far away. Now, it's here and there's no turning back the hands of time. We are faced with the reality that our daughter will be going under tomorrow for her palate repair.
I have had my emotional breakdowns, but I'm keeping it together when I need to. I know I have to be strong for her, especially tomorrow, when they take her away from us and into the operating room. That is the part I'm dreading the most because if she's screaming for me, it'll break my heart. I'm also dreading her in recovery, right after surgery. She was extremely irritable when she had her ear tubes put in and that was only a 10 minute procedure. I'm hoping she will be pretty out of it all day tomorrow. I just want her to be as comfortable as possible and in the least amount of pain as possible.
I am completely overwhelmed by the love I have for this little being. Everyday it grows more and more. I hate that she has to endure this, but I know that it's something we have to do and she will never remember it. I just hope that I can comfort her and console her over the next few weeks when she needs me to. I hope that she will bounce back quickly and we will hear that joyous laugh of hers.
She is such a special little girl already and we have tons of prayers being said for us. We are very blessed, not only with her, but with a very supportive and loving circle of family and friends.
I have had my emotional breakdowns, but I'm keeping it together when I need to. I know I have to be strong for her, especially tomorrow, when they take her away from us and into the operating room. That is the part I'm dreading the most because if she's screaming for me, it'll break my heart. I'm also dreading her in recovery, right after surgery. She was extremely irritable when she had her ear tubes put in and that was only a 10 minute procedure. I'm hoping she will be pretty out of it all day tomorrow. I just want her to be as comfortable as possible and in the least amount of pain as possible.
I am completely overwhelmed by the love I have for this little being. Everyday it grows more and more. I hate that she has to endure this, but I know that it's something we have to do and she will never remember it. I just hope that I can comfort her and console her over the next few weeks when she needs me to. I hope that she will bounce back quickly and we will hear that joyous laugh of hers.
She is such a special little girl already and we have tons of prayers being said for us. We are very blessed, not only with her, but with a very supportive and loving circle of family and friends.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Has it really been 9 months?
Is my baby girl 9 months already? I cannot believe how time flies. I always thought it did, but now that I have a baby...it really FLIES. Maybe that's because there's hardly a free minute in my day and I'm usually asleep before 9 pm...BORING!! No really, I wouldn't change a thing, but I am pretty boring.
Charlee is doing fabulous. She is so big and crawling all over the place. She's getting mighty brave, wanting to stand up and pull herself up on everything. She is a 24-7 job, that's for sure. We haven't done as much baby-proofing as we probably should, so there's a lot of "NO's" being said around the house. We put a swing up for her outside, which she loves. She is clapping her hands and saying lots of "mamamama's". She has an infectious laugh and is still a happy baby. We are very blessed and very proud of her. Rocco, our chihuahua, on the other hand, still wants nothing to do with her. She'll laugh at him and crawl towards him and all he does is run the other way. I am hoping he will warm up to her eventually and just accept the fact that she's here to stay.
We did meet with the cleft team and they were all so amazed at how well she was doing and how big she had gotten. We see our surgeon one last time on Dec 9 for our pre-op appointment. We were told that she would only be in the hospital for a day and a half after surgery, if all goes well. She'll be monitored closely that first night to make sure she isn't having any apneas. I'm still not totally clear about how she's going to eat. They said she can take the bottle, but probably won't want to because her mouth will be sore. DUH. She hasn't really taken to a cup yet, so I'm not sure what we will do, but I'm sure she'll figure it out. She'll eat if she's hungry. I've been doing some extra research on cleft palate recovery and most parents say that the worst is the first week. She'll have some blood coming out her nose and mouth the first few days. She probably won't sleep well either and will have to wear arm restraints for 3 weeks. I plan on keeping her pain as regulated as much as possible. Luckily, we will have help during the recovery period from family. I'm looking forward to it because I want it to be over, but I am dreading it because I fear the unknown. I figure that if thousands of children can go through this surgery every year with success stories, then so can we.
It's amazing to me how resilient we are. I always thought I was a strong person, but in retrospect, I had never really gone through anything challenging. But, now after infertility, child birth, and mothering a daughter with a special need, I realize how strong I am. I realize how, as people, we adapt to our surroundings and we rise to the occassion. We get through hard times, unexpectedly, and we become better, more empathetic people.
Charlee is doing fabulous. She is so big and crawling all over the place. She's getting mighty brave, wanting to stand up and pull herself up on everything. She is a 24-7 job, that's for sure. We haven't done as much baby-proofing as we probably should, so there's a lot of "NO's" being said around the house. We put a swing up for her outside, which she loves. She is clapping her hands and saying lots of "mamamama's". She has an infectious laugh and is still a happy baby. We are very blessed and very proud of her. Rocco, our chihuahua, on the other hand, still wants nothing to do with her. She'll laugh at him and crawl towards him and all he does is run the other way. I am hoping he will warm up to her eventually and just accept the fact that she's here to stay.
We did meet with the cleft team and they were all so amazed at how well she was doing and how big she had gotten. We see our surgeon one last time on Dec 9 for our pre-op appointment. We were told that she would only be in the hospital for a day and a half after surgery, if all goes well. She'll be monitored closely that first night to make sure she isn't having any apneas. I'm still not totally clear about how she's going to eat. They said she can take the bottle, but probably won't want to because her mouth will be sore. DUH. She hasn't really taken to a cup yet, so I'm not sure what we will do, but I'm sure she'll figure it out. She'll eat if she's hungry. I've been doing some extra research on cleft palate recovery and most parents say that the worst is the first week. She'll have some blood coming out her nose and mouth the first few days. She probably won't sleep well either and will have to wear arm restraints for 3 weeks. I plan on keeping her pain as regulated as much as possible. Luckily, we will have help during the recovery period from family. I'm looking forward to it because I want it to be over, but I am dreading it because I fear the unknown. I figure that if thousands of children can go through this surgery every year with success stories, then so can we.
It's amazing to me how resilient we are. I always thought I was a strong person, but in retrospect, I had never really gone through anything challenging. But, now after infertility, child birth, and mothering a daughter with a special need, I realize how strong I am. I realize how, as people, we adapt to our surroundings and we rise to the occassion. We get through hard times, unexpectedly, and we become better, more empathetic people.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
The Working Mom
It's been 2 months since I've written...oops. Being a full time mom and a full time teacher takes up ALOT of my time. We are definitely into a routine now and I don't know what the hell I did with my time before having a baby. The morning is rushed, as I have to get up and get myself ready along with getting Charlee ready and dropped off at the sitter's house by 7. Waking up before 6 is so hard, but thankfully she is sleeping through the nights more than not. I pick her up around 4 and we play when we get home. She loves her bouncer and is beginning to scoot. I'd imagine she'd be crawling soon. She eats solids twice a day now, which is quite messy and she is learning the sippy cup. I can't believe she's going on 8 months! Like I said before....time flies! She sits up and plays with toys and loves the bath. She's even said what sounds like "mama". Lately, she's been very attached to me, wanting only me to hold her. I have to admit that I love that, but it can also be very tiring. By the time I put her to bed around 7, I am ready to lay in bed and enjoy just an hour or so to myself. But, I have a husband and he needs me too. It's not easy...balancing a job, a baby, and a marriage. It's hard work sometimes and I can say that I was not prepared for how different my life would become. However, I would not trade it for anything. Charlee's morning smile makes it all worth it and with that face, all the "work" is irrelevant.
We meet with the cleft team in a few weeks, so I'm hoping to get some more information about her upcoming surgery. I can't believe it's only 2 months away. I'm so ready to just get it over with. Since the surgery is so close to Christmas, I don't know how celebratory her first Christmas will be, but hopefully she will be feeling well enough to enjoy that day. And if not, oh well. We will give her a proper Christmas when she's ready. The important thing is getting her through the surgery safely and making her recovery comfortable. She's such a little trooper already. I know in my heart she will be fine....can't same the same for me!
We meet with the cleft team in a few weeks, so I'm hoping to get some more information about her upcoming surgery. I can't believe it's only 2 months away. I'm so ready to just get it over with. Since the surgery is so close to Christmas, I don't know how celebratory her first Christmas will be, but hopefully she will be feeling well enough to enjoy that day. And if not, oh well. We will give her a proper Christmas when she's ready. The important thing is getting her through the surgery safely and making her recovery comfortable. She's such a little trooper already. I know in my heart she will be fine....can't same the same for me!
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