Our little peanut

We had our first ultrasound yesterday.  I know the picture is kind of blurry, but that's the best I could do.  We got to see and hear the heartbeat, 139 bpm.  It's measuring 1 cm right now.  It's so crazy that this little thing inside me is just beating away already.  I have to admit, I thought I'd be a lot more emotional than I was.  Don't get me wrong, it was an amazing thing to see and hear, but it is still so unbelievable to me.  I still can't believe it's real and that I'm actually pregnant.  Maybe over the next several weeks and at our next ultrasound, it will become more real. 

It's not that I don't feel like I'm pregnant, because I do.  I have a significant pooch 24/7, along with a little nausea from time to time.  I usually wake up around 7 feeling like I need to eat right away or I'm going to be sick.  Even after I've eaten, I still feel hungry.  I ate my favorite cereal yesterday and it was actually tasting gross to me.  We usually eat chicken several times a week, but I've had no appetite for that.  Now, Chili's Southwestern Egg Rolls...that's a different story!  YUM.  It's just funny how things start to change so quickly.  (I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow)

So far, everything has gone wonderfully.  I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome.  Yesterday, the Dr. said I hit the jackpot...put one in and got one out of it.  It's like putting all your chips on red and hoping for the best.  It's a gamble we took and would take again...in a heartbeat.  :)

Oh...and I'm due FEBRUARY 14.  So, I know who I'll be kissing on Valentines Day! 



6 Weeks

Today, I am officially 6 weeks pregnant.  (hopefully I am doing these calculations correctly)  This is the most pregnant I've ever been!  I definitely feel pregnant.  I still have mild cramping off and on and my tummy feels tight, like I've been working out, but Lord knows I haven't.  I've been too scared to work out.  I went to the gym the other day to walk on the treadmill, but I wouldn't go above a 2.5 speed and was afraid to do anything else.  Maybe after the ultrasound, I will feel better about exercising.  I need to keep up with an exercise routine with the way I've been eating.  I do feel a tad nauseous at times and the only thing that makes me feel better is eating! 

Our ultrasound is in 5 days.  I am very excited and anxious for that day to come.  I am praying and hoping for one beautiful and strong heartbeat.  I opted just to have TJ and I go to this first u/s.  My mom asked if she could come, but for this one, I want TJ and I to experience it alone.  I have another u/s scheduled July 18 with my regular doctor, so I want her to come to that one with us.  By then, she'll be able to see more anyway.  We are going to Missouri in late July to visit TJ's family.  I'll be 11-12 weeks by then, so it's a perfect time to see all his family and celebrate our good news.  I wonder if I'll have a little baby bump by then???

I don't know if I've mentioned this before in my any of my posts, but we did have 3 top grade blastocysts to freeze for the future.  So, technically we have 3 potential babies "on ice".  I have no problem going through a frozen embryo transfer maybe a few years down the road.  I have no idea what the future holds for us.  I've always "planned" on having 2 kids.  I know now that I can't plan the number of my family members.  We have absolutely no control over this aspect of our lives.  What will be, will be.  All I know is that I will never take one moment of this miracle for granted and I am going to spoil this little baby with every ounce of love I have to give.

>3000

My bloodwork came back great.  My beta is over 3000 now.  Sigh of relief.  I am feeling more relieved after each blood test, knowing that my hcg levels are rising nicely.  We made our first u/s appointment for June 26.  It seems so far away.  But, I guess if I can wait nearly 2 years for this, I can handle another week and a half.  Although, I will be anxiously waiting.  I am feeling pretty good.  The only thing I'm "feeling" is cramping off and on, which they say is normal.  I'd imagine it's because there's lots going on in there.  I've been more tired than usual though.  Last night, I was asleep by 8.  I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the pregnancy or if I'm just being lazy on my summer vacation??? 

If I'm doing the calculations correctly, I am 5 weeks pregnant.  I miscarried at 5 weeks before, so it's a little scary.  I can tell TJ is apprehensive about getting too excited right now, which I completely understand.  Although I am a little hesitant to whole-heartedly rejoice yet, I also feel like doing cartwheels down the street and announcing our news nationwide.  My aunt, who is very excited for us, almost achieved this by decorating our entire house with balloons and streamers and posters.  Some people may think that's dangerous this early, but I didn't care.  I appreciate her enthusiasm.  I don't know half my neighbors anyway.  Here is a picture of the damage...

I am definitely allowing family and friends around me to get excited too.  That's something that I didn't think I would allow.  When I was pregnant before, my mom had already bought me a few things and I hung onto them for quite some time, until giving them to my niece.  It may sound crazy, but it was very hard to let go of things after our loss.  But, I want to celebrate this new pregnancy and I want people around us to feel they can to.  We've worked so hard for this, so it would be a shame not to.  With that being said, I am uploading a picture of our baby's first Gator Gear.  My sister gave this to me the other day, admitting that it's been in her closet for almost 2 years.  Now, it's finally in my closet, where it belongs. 

 

743

I still don't think it's hit us yet.  I know I'm pregnant and I believe I'm pregnant, but it's still so surreal.  Everything we've done for the last two years has led us to this.  Month after month of Big Fat Negatives.  We kept saying IVF has to work for us, but there was always doubt.  Now, I know that IVF can and did work for us.  We had a busy weekend with my brother coming in town and a friend from Missouri here, so TJ and I haven't really even had a chance to bask in our wonderful news.  I can tell he's thrilled though.  He has said he loves me even more and can't wait to see my belly grow.  He sent me a dozen red roses to work, thanking me for all I've done.  I did go through alot to get here, but so did he.  We got through it together. 

I had another blood test yesterday and my hcg level was 743, which is great.  It's supposed to double every 48 hours.  I go back in a few days for one more blood test.  I would imagine it would be over 1000 by then and we will schedule our first ultrasound. Our first ultrasound!!!

Over the last couple years, I have heard friends talk about what it felt like to see and hear the heartbeat for the first time.  I remember wanting to experience that so badly, but was scared to death that I never would.  Now, I'm so close.  Again...I can't believe it!  I know in my heart now that we will be parents and that this little bean growing inside me is going to become a healthy beautiful baby.  Our first baby! 

132

How do I begin...
The last few days seem surreal.  On Tuesday, I was for sure I was starting my period.  I had all the symptoms.  I had pretty much given up hope.  We decided I would go ahead and test when we got home from work Tuesday night.  Neither one of us could hold out any longer.  I just wanted to see the negative so I could deal with it and move on.  A friend of mine had given me a test to use and since I gave up buying pregnancy tests a long time ago, it was the only one I had available.  And since I was convinced I was getting a negative, I really didn't care what kind of test it was. 

So, when TJ got home from the gym, we were both sick to our stomachs.  I went ahead and took the test and we both were just staring at it, having no idea how to read this stupid thing.  We thought it was positive, but we weren't sure.  Needing some reassurance, we jumped in the car and hauled ass to CVS and bought 2 boxes of digital tests.  I took 2 more tests and what do ya know......

          POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We couldn't believe it.  Of course TJ said he knew all along (which he was extra confident)...but I couldn't believe it.  Finally, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test.  Something I never thought I'd see again.  So, the next morning I took another positive test.  We told our parents, siblings, and a few close friends.  It's hard to keep an IVF pregnancy a secret when all your loved ones know and are waiting in anticipation.  But, at this point, why would I want to keep it a secret.  I've been waiting so long to be able to say those words:  I'M PREGNANT!  And as far as I'm concerned, all the prayers we've been receiving have been heard and I hope they continue throughout our pregnancy because we have a long way to go.

Finally, I went for my bloodwork this morning.  They called this afternoon to tell me I'm definitely pregnant and my beta is 132.  She said they like to see anything around 60-100, so my number looks great right now.  I go back for 2 more blood tests next week and then we will schedule our first ultrasound.  I think it will become real for me when I see and hear a heartbeat.  I didn't make it that far the first time I got pregnant, so getting through the next few weeks is crucial for me.

I am forever thankful and grateful for our family and friends who have supported us throughout our journey.  This has become their journey too.  And to all doctors, nurses, and office staff who have been a part of our life for the last year and who have given us the miracle we are experiencing today.