It's been 2 weeks since Charlee's surgery and I'm finally getting a free minute to catch up on my blog...since I'm not using this time to actually sleep! Something we've been deprived of for 2 weeks now, but before I get into that, let me go back to surgery day...
The night before surgery, everything went as planned. We woke her up at 11:30 for her last formula bottle, which she drank and went back to sleep. Then, we woke her up at 4 am to get ready. She drank her last clear liquid bottle on the way to the hospital. First time for apple juice was a success. We picked up TJ's mom on the way and arrived at the hospital by 5:30 am. We were in admitting and pre op for about 2 hours. She was amazing...laughing, playing, jumping around. She definitely kept us calm. My parents arrived before she went back and everyone got a kick out of her spunk. Around 7:30, it was time for them to take her. I kissed her and began to cry. I watched the top of her little head, as she was wheeled down the hall in her crib. A vision I will never forget. I lost it for a few minutes, but sat in the waiting room for 2 1/2 hours relatively calm. As soon as we saw our surgeon, we jumped up, awaiting her news. She was all smiles and said everything went great. Shortly after, a volunteer came to get us to go back to recovery to see Charlee.
I was so nervous to see her, scared of what she would look like. She was completely out, swollen cheeks, with a little blood dripping out of her mouth. They had to sedate her when she came out of surgery because she was somewhat hysterical. So, we all took turns, going back there to see her. After probably about 30 minutes, she woke up, crying. The nurse had to check her out before giving her to me. She was just sobbing, looking at me like how could you do this to me mom? Finally, I held her and that settled her down. The hospital was overbooked, so we ended up waiting for about 3 hours just to get a room. We ended up in PICU and she was given another dose of Morphine as soon as we got up there. You could tell she was totally out of it.
By the nighttime, she was beginning to show signs of her old self. At one point, in the middle of the night, she was actually laughing and scaling the sides of the crib. I thought: "Is this girl for real?" I think maybe the morphine was still kicking in. She drank fluids and slept on and off through the night, with no drops in sats, so we were able to go home the next day.
Overall, she did really well during the days, but the nights have been a nightmare. For the first week, we kept her medicated around the clock. She would be up at all hours of the night,moaning and groaning. My MIL and myself would take turns during the night, holding her and walking her around the house. After several days of that, her and I both were physically exhausted. Even after bad nights, Charlee would be in good spirits during the day. I believe it was 4 days post op and she was bouncing in her bouncer. It's amazing to me how well she's done, considering what went on in that little mouth of hers.
I wish I could say that her sleeping habits have improved, but as I'm sitting here on 3 hours of sleep, I can say that's not the case. I have no idea what is keeping me going. Some nights have been better than others. She'll only wake 3 times, instead of 5. There's just no way to tell how it's going to go. There have been times where I've broke down crying, begging God to make it better. There's been nights where I've driven her around the neighborhood, just to get her to sleep. I say it's like having a newborn again, but worse, because she won't take a bottle. She won't take liquids at all, unless we get a few syringes down her when we're lucky. That's really the only issue we're having. She won't take a bottle or a cup. She hasn't had formula since the hospital. It's concerning, but as long as she's not dehydrated, I guess it's ok. I'm assuming her mouth is still sore and a nipple of any kind, irritates it. I guess when she's ready, she'll drink again.
All in all, the whole experience has been better than we expected. I dreaded this surgery for so long and can't really believe it's over. I definitely was not prepared for the weeks after...dealing with no sleep, the on and off crying one minute and laughing the next. She has no routine right now, so I know that it's going to be hell getting her back into one. I'm hating it right now, but I know that it'll get better and I just have to hang in there. That's really all I can do. I don't want to discredit TJ, because he's helped as much as he could with work. I can't expect him to stay up all night and go to work the next day. Although, I go back in 4 days, so I'm hoping Charlee makes a miraculous turn around very quickly.
My MIL flies in on Saturday to help for a week, so I know that will make things better. Thank God it's behind us now and we can move on with the hopes that she will heal properly and completely and MAYBE this will be her only surgery. She will grow and develop normally from here on out and we can just simply ENJOY being parents to her. I hope and I pray for that.
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