When I was struggling to get pregnant, I wanted to curse every mom I came in contact with. I carried around tons of resentment. Now, that I am a mom, I have a new found respect for mothers. It doesn't matter how helpful or hands-on a father is, there are just some things only a mother can do. I spend 24/7 taking care of Charlee and we definitely have a daily routine. Don't get me wrong, T.J. does help out, but I do feel like the primary caregiver...and I wouldn't change that. I've gone from dreading the nighttime to looking forward to her 2 am feeding and 6 am feeding. Mostly, because I'm the first person she sees everyday. She smiles as soon as she sees me and won't take her eyes off me until she drifts back to sleep at the end of her bottle. She now holds on to one of my fingers while I'm feeding her and won't let go. It doesn't matter where she is in the room or who is holding her, she searches for me, and when she finds me, she automatically smiles. I love that I can do that to her.
Why are mothers super heroes? I believe we can do things a man cannot. Obviously, we can carry a child and birth a child, but there's so much more. There have been nights of no sleep. There have been bouts of crying and spitting up. There have been hours of wanting to be held. There have been doctor appointments and shots. There have been times that have required lots of patience and lots of perserverance. I don't know where we find the strength sometimes, but we do. I have adjusted to minimal sleep and have learned my daughter's needs and wants. I know exactly when she's tired and when she's hungry. I know that she likes to sit in her swing, first thing in the morning, and watch Disney. But, I also know when she's had enough. I know that she'll fall asleep in the car, even if she starts out crying. I could attribute this to the fact that we spend every day together, but I also attibute it to being a woman. I think there's something to be said about a woman's maternal instinct. Before I had Charlee, I had no idea what kind of mother I was going to be or how I would figure it all out. But, the moment I held her, it just came naturally. It's funny how quickly you learn to do things. I swear I could change her diaper with my eyes closed. The relationship between a mother and a child is an amazing thing.
Not to leave out dads...the ones who probably help keep us sane and definitely help keep our humor. Although sometimes I want to kill my husband, I know I couldn't do this without him and I understand that he is still learning. I look forward to watching the relationship develop between him and Charlee. Although I am the tired and sometimes stressed out one, I am also the lucky one...I'm her mom.
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