Date: Saturday February 16, 2013. I was not feeling great and TJ was at work until 4. When he got home, I was laying my head in his lap feeling lower back aches. This was something I had been having for weeks, so I really didn't think anything of it. But, when the aches started coming and going over the course of an hour or two, I started to think maybe this was it. I told TJ I was taking a shower just in case and he of course went to wash his car. I think this was his way of mentally preparing. So, I called my mom to tell her we were bringing the dog over with our bags packed. Some of my family was at her house, including my aunts and my sis. They were watching me as I would have a contraction and getting all excited, which was annoying to me. I knew it was real when I felt a tightening across my entire stomach for about a minute. We waited until about 10 pm to call the doctor and, of course, he said wait until they're 3-5 minutes apart for a straight hour. So, I sat with a sheet of paper for an hour, recording all my contractions. I had about 10 contractions in an hour, so I called the doctor back. He gave the go ahead to head to the hospital. I don't recall being nervous or scared but I know I was quiet in the car during our 45 minute drive. TJ played Zac Brown on Pandora, which we both love, and we just listened holding hands. I did talk to my best friend Julie to let her know what was going on and she was super excited...giving me some last minute tips.
We got to the hospital around midnight and went straight to triage. We sat in a room, where I breathed through contractions for about 2 hours. They weren't painful yet, just lots of pressure. The nurse finally came in to check me and said I was still a 2 and I can't remember how thin I was at that point. Finally, around 230 am, they admitted us and we were sent to our room. I know I had the tv on, but have no idea what I was watching. The nurse told me I could have my epidural whenever, but since I was only a 2, I didn't want to get it yet. So, I breathed through more contractions, while TJ slept in the chair. It was around 430 am and the nurse checked me again. I was 5 cm, so I decided to get my epidural. I was the most scared of that, but it turned out not to be bad at all. I was expecting to be all relaxed after that and maybe get some sleep, but I was shaking so bad, I couldn't relax. They said that is a side effect of labor and the epidural. My parents and sis got to the hospital shortly after that and the waiting began. I progressed to a 7 and stopped. The doctor came in and started pitosin and said if I didn't make any more progress in an hour, I'd have to have a c section. I did not want that! So, my sis, being a L&D nurse, sat me up and turned me on each side in hopes that would make me dialate and make baby move down. Well....it worked. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to poop all over the bed! So much pressure! Even though I had the epidural, I could still feel my feet and feel the pressure. The nurse checked me and I was complete...time to push.
My sis kept telling me I could be pushing for hours, so naturally, wanting to prove her wrong, I pushed as hard as I possible could. It felt like my head was going to explode. I could hear TJ in my ear saying one more push she's almost out. Twenty minutes later she was born. It was 12:44 on Sunday, February 17 when our little angel came into this world. I was definitely overwhelmed with emotion, because I had just given birth to my daughter. They took her over to clean her up and had to pump her stomach twice because she had so much fluid in her lungs. It was then that we were hit with the news. The nurse examining her said "have they talked to you guys about a cleft palate?" I was like NO!
The rest is pretty much a blur. I think I was so exhausted and drugged up (I had pushed my epidural button several times and I'm pretty sure I accepted a percocet after delivery) that I couldn't process the reality of what was happening. We were able to take her to our room, like nothing was "wrong". It was when the nurse tried to feed her for the first time that we freaked out and realized that her situation was a big deal.
To make a long story short...The first night she spent in the nursery because of breathing issues. It was about 6 am that next morning that the NICU doctor came to our room to inform us that she was being admitted to the NICU because she kept losing oxygen during the night. We spent 5 days in the NICU and for the first few nights we were scared out of our minds. TJ and I slept on the floor/ couch in her room in the NICU. She had to be placed on her side at all times and fed with a special bottle. Because of the cleft palate, she couldn't nurse, so I pumped everyday, trying to get my milk in. It was only after speaking to the craniofacial surgeon and some of the members on the cleft palate team, that we started to feel some comfort.
Charlee was born 8 lbs 10.5 oz and 21.5 inches long. She had the most beautiful, big eyes and was so alert. I remember walking into her NICU room and she would be laying there wrapped up in her burrito, wide awake, just looking around. The doctors believe she has what is called Pierre Robin Sequence: a cleft palate, a small jaw, and tongue tied.
I prayed every night to have a healthy baby and begged God to please make her "normal". I was devastated when it all hit me that our little baby had special needs and by the time she was one year old, she would be having surgery to repair her palate. It was too much to swallow at that time. In those 5 days of her being in the hospital, I went from scared, worried, angry to happy, hopeful, and at peace with her. I have to believe now that God had this planned for us from the start. He made TJ and I stronger over the past few years as we endured loss and defeat and sadness. Then, when he thought we were ready, he picked us to be Charlee's parents. He knew it would take a special mom and dad to take care of this special little girl.
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