All my IVF meds came yesterday. I poured them all out on the counter and counted every single syringe and needle. Despite the picture, I will describe the array of drugs. Let's see...there is a total of 64 needles/syringes, 2 Gonal-F Pens (injectibles) and 1 Ovidrel Injectible. I will be using the needles to inject Lupron and Menopur. The others are pre-filled. I've done the Ovidrel twice before with my 2 IUI's, so at least I know what to expect with that one. I have to admit that I was surprised at my reaction to seeing all the meds. I thought for sure that seeing them would be overwhelming for me, but I felt quite indifferent. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet.
I start my first Lupron shot on Tuesday, May 1, which is just a few days away. I am attending a class that morning where I will receive my medication calendar and practice on how to give myself the shots. I am planning on doing them myself, although I've already enlisted the help of my sister to assist with the first one...just incase I chicken out. I think it will probably hit me on Tuesday as I'm in the class, injecting an orange...knowing that the orange will be my abdomen by nightfall.
I'm glad I have acupuncture scheduled that afternoon, so I can relax for that hour and hopefully clear my head. I have been doing acupuncture once a week for about a month now. I will continue it through treatment. I have done lots of research that supports IVF and acupuncture, although my doctor says there's no "real" research that it increases success rates. I also took the advice from someone who had a successful IVF(twins) and did acupuncture too. At this point, I'll try anything to increase my chances of this working. Lord knows I've tried everything over the last two years to get pregnant...baby aspirin, Pre-Seed, Evening Primrose Oil, Fertility Beads, Zinc, legs in the air...I could go on. My point is, even if there's a small chance it may help, I'm doing it. Plus...it is soooo relaxing and I need all the relaxation I can get right now.
I have to give props to my husband who has been wonderful through all of this. He tells me all the time how strong I am and how he will be here for me every step of the way. He even wants to give me my shots, but I told him no. Partly because I don't trust him with a needle and partly because I want to conquer this myself. I feel like if I can get through this, I can get through anything. And with what may lie ahead, I need to know that I can.
I start birth control today. Ironic, huh?...I'm trying to get pregnant and I'm taking birth control. It's the first part of the process. I will be on the pill for 21 days and will start my first injectible of Lupron on May 1. Right around the corner. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd be excited about needles and bloodwork. I've always been such a wimp when it came to having blood drawn, basically passing out every time. Not anymore! I guess you become a pro once you've been poked enough.
I was told that my ER(egg retrieval) and ET(embryo transfer) will fall between May 20-29, depending on how I am responding to the meds. It's crazy to think that I will technically be pregnant in just 6 weeks. All it has to do is stick! I've waited so long for this and although it's exciting, it's also very scary to know that my wait may not be over. It's completely out of my hands and that's probably the most frustrating part. To want something so bad and have no control over it. It's the first time in my life that I have experienced this. All I am hoping for, at this point, is that I respond well to the meds, they retrieve enough eggs, and that a good amount fertilizes. I also hope for a day 5 transfer, when the embryo will be a blastocyte and has a higher chance of sticking. Lots to hope for!
I had another appointment on Monday for my mock transfer, consent signings, and of course check writing! The mock transfer is basically just to measure the uterus and to make sure the actual transfer will go smoothly. It was quick and painless (thankfully). We had to sign a packet of consent papers...TJ and I haven't signed that many forms together since the closing of our home! The only part that was troubling for me was making the decision to implant one or two embryos. Because of my age, our Dr. highly recommends single embryo transfer if the embryo is top grade. If we do not have one great looking embryo, we will implant two. Although I'm still thinking of doing two regardless. Then, I got to write four separate checks totaling several thousand dollars..that was the fun part! The lady in the office also told me that I would be paying separate for all my u/s and bloodwork, which I will be doing a lot of once I start my stimulation meds. Speaking of meds...I haven't paid for those yet either. I'm anticipating that they will total somewhere around $3000. It's definitely stressful to think of the money we are spending. When my doctor asked me if I had any questions or anything I am worried about...all I could say was "YES, I'm worried it won't work!" That's the truth! I am not worried about injecting myself with needles for a month straight. I am not worried about what this will do to me physically. I am worried that all this time and all this money will be for nothing. What if it doesn't work? I know I have to try to be positive, but I also know that I have to be realistic. And the reality is...it may not work, but there's about a 60% chance it will. So, hopefully, with that 60% and a lot of prayers...we will get our baby!
