Happy Valentines Day!

Well, I wish I was holding my new little Valentine right now, but turns out I'm still pregnant! The last two doctors I've seen have told me that they will not induce until 41 weeks, which is not what the other doctor had originally told me a few weeks ago.  That's a whole week from now...I can't imagine that.  I'm 2 cm dilated and 80% thinned, which is what I was last week so no progress really.  I was kind of bummed about that, but the doctor said that was still good.  When they did the sono last week, she was measuring 7lbs14oz, give or take a pound.  He didn't seem concerned about the baby's size...saying " oh, she's probably about 8 lbs or so." Easy for him to say.  He doesn't have to push this baby out of his vagina.  Plus...if she's still in there next Wed. How much bigger will she be???? I'm losing weight at each appt., so does that mean she's gaining it??? I just want her out already!

I know she'll come when she's ready and things happen for a reason.  Most women wait ten months to meet their baby, but I've been waiting almost 3 years! Maybe that's why I'm so anxious.  TJ said last night that we should be cherishing each day because it could be the last time Charlee is in my belly or it could even be the last time I have a pregnant belly.  I'm trying not to get too upset or frustrated, but it is hard.  After being pregnant for 40 weeks, it's hard to cherish this belly and not just want this baby out!  

I'm really hoping she comes within the next few days.  I stopped working last week, so I'm just home trying to find stuff to do.  I've cleaned, done laundry, repacked bags...everything is done! I keep watching A Baby Story on TLC and it just makes me want this baby even more! It also makes me nervous not knowing how my labor is going to go.  I'm not really scared about it anymore, just ready for it to happen.  

Come on baby Charlee....you have a world of people ready to meet you!

Still Longing...

When I started this blog almost a year ago, I titled it longing to be a mommy because that's what I was feeling and doing at that time.  It was the only thing that mattered to me.  I endured a lot of pain and obstacles over the last year, but it has all been worth it.  I'm sitting here 38 weeks pregnant, longing to be a Mommy! I know technically I am a mother.  I have been caring for and protecting this little one inside me for 9 months, so I do feel motherly in that way.  However, I am still waiting for that moment when I see her for the first time, I touch her for the first time, and I watch TJ with her for the first time.  Everyone says it's an indescribable feeling and I can't wait for that.

I am so ready to have this baby.  We are just waiting in anticipation for something to happen.  Even though I'm scared, I just want to be in labor so I know it's happening and that she will be coming very soon. Right now, it's just a guessing game of when will it be?

I have an appt. and sono on Wed to see the size of her and I will be talking with the Dr. about doing an elective inducing at 39 weeks if she's not here by then.  My office does that for patients who are traveling a distance or when the baby is big, so I fit both the requirements.  I'm 1-2 cm and 90% effaced as of 5 days ago, so I was hoping something would happen before the appt. on Wed but there's no way to predict how things will go.  Could be tonight...could be next week, who knows.  All I know, is that we are so ready to meet Charlee and become parents for the first time.  We are ready for her to change our lives forever!

37 weeks

The countdown has definitely begun.  I am down to the last few weeks of pregnancy and I'm anxious to meet Charlee.  I am scared to death of labor but am so ready to not be pregnant anymore.  Not that I've had a bad pregnancy, I'm just uncomfortable and every little pain or cramp leaves me wondering if this is it.  

I haven't updated my blog in awhile so I need to catch it up.  A few weeks ago I had an u/s to measure the size of the baby.  At that point she was 5 lbs 12 oz, which I guess was a little on the big side.  Nothing to worry about the Doctor said.  At the next appt, another doctor told me to expect at least an 8 lb baby by delivery.  Then, at my last appt. which was a few days ago, I was 1/2 cm dilated...whew!  This doctor told me to expect at least 8 1/2 lbs!!  So, I have another u/s in 2 weeks to see the size of the baby again and he predicted I would still be pregnant then.  I have only gained 2 lbs in the last 8 weeks, so I guess she is the one gaining at this point.  Don't get me wrong, I want a healthy baby, but the thought of having to push out an 8-9 lb baby freaks me out.  I'm hoping the doctors are a little off on her size.  

It's amazing to me how active she still is.  She stretches and squirms all over in there.  I just watch my belly roll and wave.  I have to admit at times, it is extremely uncomfortable.  She is head down and the doctor said her head is really low, which is good.  It feels like she wants out just as bad as I want her out.  

The nursery is done, carseat ready, bags packed....we are ready as far as those things go.  We feel ready mentally and both of us are excited to see her and hold her.  It's just the not knowing that makes this hard.  Although the doctor said I would probably go full term, there's no telling what could happen.  I just want to make it the hospital and get the epidural.  Is it bad that that's my main goal?  I go back to the doctor in 4 days, so we will see if I've made any progress from a whopping 1/2 cm.  I've been having more Braxton Hicks and have had menstrual like cramping, which doc said is good.  We will have to wait and see when and how Charlee will make her debut...can't wait!!!!

Merry Christmas 2012

I can not believe I have 7 weeks and 2 days to go until my due date.  It seems like yesterday we were taking the test and I still had a flat stomach!  The time has definitely flown by.  As I feel her squirm and and kick all around in my belly, I am constantly reminded that she is in there and each passing day is a day closer to meeting her.  It is Christmas and I have two weeks off, which I will take full advantage of as far as getting things ready.  The nursery is almost finished, the car seat and stroller are assembled, and blankets are washed.  I will be washing the rest of her things, setting up the pack n play, and getting bags packed over the next few weeks.  It may sound like I'm doing things a little early, but I've had too many friends go into labor early and not be ready.  When things go down, I want to be able to grab my bags and go.  Not that I'm anticipating an early delivery, but after my dr appt. last week, there's a possibility...

Stepping on the scale is always fun, but this time it was extra fun because I lost a pound in four weeks!  How does that happen? Pregnant and lost weight? So, I was feeling pretty good before seeing the Dr.  First, he checked the heartbeat which was strong.  Then, he measured my belly....a few times.  He looked at me and said rather bluntly....you're measuring big.  I was 31w5d and my belly was measuring 34 weeks.  How can this be??? I lost a pound.  So, he told me to cut back on sugar and carbs and scheduled an ultrasound for Jan 4.  Clearly, I was upset all the way home, but after doing some research and talking to my family, I was reassured that this is normal.  On the bright side, we get another ultrasound and a peek at Charlee....hopefully we will see her better than last time when she had her hands over her face.  I'm hoping that she measures right on track and everything is fine.  If she does measure big, I'm not sure what that means for due date.  We will have to wait and see.  But cut back on sugar at Christmas??? Is this man crazy....who has that kind of will power?  

So Blessed

I am 30 weeks and 4 days today.  I can't believe I have less than 9 weeks to go.  TJ and I have so much to be thankful for and I have been reminded of that several times over the last few weeks.  Over Thanksgiving, we were in Missouri.  TJ's family threw us a gift card/cash party while we were there.  Everyone was so generous and giving.  We were able to purchase all the baby furniture...crib, dresser, mattress and even some other items with all that was given to us.  I have married into such an amazing family and I can't wait to bring Charlee back to Missouri to meet all of them.

And then there's the amazing family I came from...This past weekend, my sister, mom, and a few friends helped to put on our shower here.  Everything was beautiful and Charlee got some great gifts.  My grandma, aunts, and friends all came to celebrate our miracle.  I was overcome with emotion during the shower a few times.  As I was opening yet another gift from my mother-in-law, I began to cry and felt that I wasn't going to be able to stop.  The reality of this really happening came over me.  I was really sitting there opening gifts for my baby girl.  Something I thought I may never do.  And as I went to thank everyone at the end, I began to cry again.  I couldn't even get the words out and I felt so foolish because there were things I wanted to say to the women in that room.  I wanted to thank anyone and everyone who prayed for us over the last few years, who supported and encouraged us and hoped for us.  Without them, I don't know if TJ and I would be where we are today.  When I felt like giving up, it was the people in my life who helped give me the strength to continue, along with my faith in God's plan.  Although, truthfully, my faith in God's plan wavered at times.  I didn't understand it then and still don't, but I do believe God knew we were not ready yet to become parents.  I also believe God will never give us more than we can handle.  So, although I may not understand WHY we went through what we did, I wouldn't change a thing. 

The crib is up in the nursery, along with all the bedding.  It is SO pretty!  We are waiting on the dresser to come in to complete the set.  Her closet us bulging with clothes!  Everything already looks so good in there, so I know the finished product will be perfect.  I just did my first full load of receiving blankets and burp cloths....much easier to fold and put away than TJ's laundry! 

It becomes more real everyday that this baby is on her way.  I pray every night for a healthy little girl and a good delivery.  I am definitely fearing the actual labor pain and just hope everything goes as "planned".  I can't wait to see what she looks like and to finally hold her!  Let the count down begin...

Hello 3rd Trimester

As I approach my 28th week of pregnancy, I am feeling excited, anxious, and scared!  It is hitting me that my life is about to change forever.  Although I can not wait to see this little girl, I am nervous about the changes she will bring.  TJ and I have been together going on 7 years and it has just been the two of us...coming and going as we please.  I am fully aware that it will no longer be this free-flowing in about 3 months.  I don't know if that's really hit TJ yet or not, but it is something I'm thinking about frequently.  I mean, we walk out the door without cell phones or wallets or keys all the time...are we going to forget her too?  Believe it or not, I worry about this!  I worry about us being good parents and will motherhood come "naturally" for me like people say it does?  Will I have a good labor, will I be able to breastfeed, will she look like us?  So many unanswered questions.  It's the fear of the unknown.


On the other hand, I also know (through the experiences of other parents) that having a baby will fill our lives with joy and new found love.  That we will experience a happiness that we have never felt before.  That I will see TJ as the father of my child and not just my husband. We are definitely ready for something new in our lives and although I know this will be the hardest thing we ever do, she will be the best thing we ever do.

We have started on Charlee's room.  The walls are painted a shade of grey, the carpet is in, and TJ is in the process of installing the new baseboards.  I can't wait to see the room finished.  Still lots to do.  Here is a picture of the bedding we picked out. 



We have 2 showers coming up in the next few weeks and alreadyhave been receiving some gifts.  I'm looking forward to celebrating Baby Charlee with family and friends.  This is the homestretch! Lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday!!

Large and In Charge

I never realized how flat my stomach was until now!  At 25 weeks, I have gained a total of 16 lbs.  I think I'm pretty much all belly, except for the double chin and the cellulite I've mentioned in my blogs before.  Unfortunately, I've been in quite a bit of pain over the last few weeks.  My doctor says this is from the "symphysis pubis" becoming too stretchy, which has to do with the ligaments that usually keep your pelvic bone aligned.  I guess it can cause pain in some women.  There have been days where I've literally limped around work.  My family keeps saying "you're only 6 months, what are you going to do when you're 8 or 9 months??"  I've thought about this and the thought scares me, truthfully.  I feel like a big wimp and that I am not being a very good pregnant person.  But, it's not fun being in pain everyday!  Today was the first day in weeks that I felt pretty good.  It wasn't painful, just a dull ache.  I'm hoping that the ligaments are done stretching at least for a few weeks. 

What makes all this pain worthwhile??  Getting to feel her everyday, all day.  She kicks and pokes nonstop in all different spots around my belly.  I don't know what she's going to do when she gets too big to move around like that.  I can already tell she's going to be an athlete (like her mommy).

Other exciting things going on...we registered, picked out the baby furniture, and now have started on the room. Well...TJ has started on the room.  We're re-doing the baby's room and the guest room, so he has a lot of work ahead of him: painting, new carpet, baseboards, etc....We want our guest room to feel like home for Tj's mom when she comes to babysit Charlee while TJ and I go out...I mean when she comes to visit. 

Our first gift came today from his Grandma.  She bought us our monitor and I saw our pack n play had been bought too.  It's crazy to think we will be using these things very soon.  I know this month and next month will fly by because of the holidays and with so much to get done.  February will be here before we know it.  I am so excited to see our little girl and to hold and kiss her.  It still blows my mind to know that I'm going to be a mom and that I'm going to have a daughter.  I'm definitely getting to the point of just wanting her here, but until then, I am enjoying my last few months of sleeping and laying around on the couch whenever I want!