I cannot believe how Charlee has grown, not just in size, but in her personality too. She weighs 12.4 and should be between 24-25 inches long. She is a long baby. Last time she was measured, she was in the 98% percentile for height. I have packed all the newborn outfits away and will be doing the same with her 3 month clothes very soon. Size 1 diapers are getting too small...I can remember when they were so big on her, we had to fold down the top. Time flies! She looks so big in her carseat now and is on the verge of rolling over. She laughs and smiles all the time and makes oohs and aahhs. She has a very high pitched scream too, that she enjoys hearing. She loves being held by both mommy and daddy and we love dancing around with her to music...mostly the oldies!
TJ and I have been wanting this....her to get bigger and the surgery date to come quicker. Her surgery is tentatively scheduled for December 19. But, the more I watch her grow and change, I maybe want to freeze time a bit. I hear moms say that this time will fly by and soon she'll be walking and you'll want those baby days back. I have realized that I want to take every day as it comes and Cherish these precious moments, when I can rock her to sleep and hold her in my arms. On the other hand, we just want to get through her surgery. We both are dreading that day...to have to see our little baby girl head into surgery and be put under. It seems like such an ordeal for a ten month old to go through. I know I will have to put a tough front on for her, but I will be a mess inside. But, I also know that she is strong. She has proven that to us since day 1 and I have no doubt that she will adapt and thrive, just like she has the last several months. We have been blessed with a happy, beautiful baby and I wouldn't change one thing about her!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Mothers are the real Super heroes!
When I was struggling to get pregnant, I wanted to curse every mom I came in contact with. I carried around tons of resentment. Now, that I am a mom, I have a new found respect for mothers. It doesn't matter how helpful or hands-on a father is, there are just some things only a mother can do. I spend 24/7 taking care of Charlee and we definitely have a daily routine. Don't get me wrong, T.J. does help out, but I do feel like the primary caregiver...and I wouldn't change that. I've gone from dreading the nighttime to looking forward to her 2 am feeding and 6 am feeding. Mostly, because I'm the first person she sees everyday. She smiles as soon as she sees me and won't take her eyes off me until she drifts back to sleep at the end of her bottle. She now holds on to one of my fingers while I'm feeding her and won't let go. It doesn't matter where she is in the room or who is holding her, she searches for me, and when she finds me, she automatically smiles. I love that I can do that to her.
Why are mothers super heroes? I believe we can do things a man cannot. Obviously, we can carry a child and birth a child, but there's so much more. There have been nights of no sleep. There have been bouts of crying and spitting up. There have been hours of wanting to be held. There have been doctor appointments and shots. There have been times that have required lots of patience and lots of perserverance. I don't know where we find the strength sometimes, but we do. I have adjusted to minimal sleep and have learned my daughter's needs and wants. I know exactly when she's tired and when she's hungry. I know that she likes to sit in her swing, first thing in the morning, and watch Disney. But, I also know when she's had enough. I know that she'll fall asleep in the car, even if she starts out crying. I could attribute this to the fact that we spend every day together, but I also attibute it to being a woman. I think there's something to be said about a woman's maternal instinct. Before I had Charlee, I had no idea what kind of mother I was going to be or how I would figure it all out. But, the moment I held her, it just came naturally. It's funny how quickly you learn to do things. I swear I could change her diaper with my eyes closed. The relationship between a mother and a child is an amazing thing.
Not to leave out dads...the ones who probably help keep us sane and definitely help keep our humor. Although sometimes I want to kill my husband, I know I couldn't do this without him and I understand that he is still learning. I look forward to watching the relationship develop between him and Charlee. Although I am the tired and sometimes stressed out one, I am also the lucky one...I'm her mom.
Why are mothers super heroes? I believe we can do things a man cannot. Obviously, we can carry a child and birth a child, but there's so much more. There have been nights of no sleep. There have been bouts of crying and spitting up. There have been hours of wanting to be held. There have been doctor appointments and shots. There have been times that have required lots of patience and lots of perserverance. I don't know where we find the strength sometimes, but we do. I have adjusted to minimal sleep and have learned my daughter's needs and wants. I know exactly when she's tired and when she's hungry. I know that she likes to sit in her swing, first thing in the morning, and watch Disney. But, I also know when she's had enough. I know that she'll fall asleep in the car, even if she starts out crying. I could attribute this to the fact that we spend every day together, but I also attibute it to being a woman. I think there's something to be said about a woman's maternal instinct. Before I had Charlee, I had no idea what kind of mother I was going to be or how I would figure it all out. But, the moment I held her, it just came naturally. It's funny how quickly you learn to do things. I swear I could change her diaper with my eyes closed. The relationship between a mother and a child is an amazing thing.
Not to leave out dads...the ones who probably help keep us sane and definitely help keep our humor. Although sometimes I want to kill my husband, I know I couldn't do this without him and I understand that he is still learning. I look forward to watching the relationship develop between him and Charlee. Although I am the tired and sometimes stressed out one, I am also the lucky one...I'm her mom.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
2 Months Later
Charlee is now 2 months old and thriving. All her tests have been normal and she is doing everything a baby should. She is still on an apnea monitor, but it never goes off and I have a feeling she'll be discharged from it very soon. She is eating 4 oz per feeding every 3-4 hours. We have to keep her weight up before surgery. She is a happy baby, only fussing when she's hungry. We've been blessed! She sleeps well...usually 4 or more hours at a time during the night. She makes me smile and laugh all the time and she is soooo cute!!! I love just looking at her little face.
She is currently 10.8 in weight and almost 24 inches long. She is in the 95% for height, so we think she may end up being tall and lean. We have several doctors appointments coming up with a geneticist, cardiologist, and the surgeon. She has had her eyes checked and everything looked great.
Sometimes Pierre Robin Sequence and/or a cleft palate can be associated with some other genetic disorders, but as far as we can tell Charlee doesn't have anything genetically wrong. TJ and I are looking forward to her surgery, so we can move on from there. She most likely will need speech therapy and maybe some dental work. We have to stay positive and hope for the best.
Motherhood has not been easy. I can say it's been a little tougher for me because she did have some problems in the beginning and still requires a special bottle. We have to be on the lookout for ear infections as well. But, things are getting easier each day and my body is adjusting to 5-6 hours of sleep per night. I miss her when I'm not with her and love holding her close to me, just so I can hear all the little noises she makes. She smiles and laughs all the time and I especially love it when she smiles at me. I feel our bond already. Life is sometimes hard, but life is good! Wouldn't change a thing.
She is currently 10.8 in weight and almost 24 inches long. She is in the 95% for height, so we think she may end up being tall and lean. We have several doctors appointments coming up with a geneticist, cardiologist, and the surgeon. She has had her eyes checked and everything looked great.
Sometimes Pierre Robin Sequence and/or a cleft palate can be associated with some other genetic disorders, but as far as we can tell Charlee doesn't have anything genetically wrong. TJ and I are looking forward to her surgery, so we can move on from there. She most likely will need speech therapy and maybe some dental work. We have to stay positive and hope for the best.
Motherhood has not been easy. I can say it's been a little tougher for me because she did have some problems in the beginning and still requires a special bottle. We have to be on the lookout for ear infections as well. But, things are getting easier each day and my body is adjusting to 5-6 hours of sleep per night. I miss her when I'm not with her and love holding her close to me, just so I can hear all the little noises she makes. She smiles and laughs all the time and I especially love it when she smiles at me. I feel our bond already. Life is sometimes hard, but life is good! Wouldn't change a thing.
Charlee's Story
Date: Saturday February 16, 2013. I was not feeling great and TJ was at work until 4. When he got home, I was laying my head in his lap feeling lower back aches. This was something I had been having for weeks, so I really didn't think anything of it. But, when the aches started coming and going over the course of an hour or two, I started to think maybe this was it. I told TJ I was taking a shower just in case and he of course went to wash his car. I think this was his way of mentally preparing. So, I called my mom to tell her we were bringing the dog over with our bags packed. Some of my family was at her house, including my aunts and my sis. They were watching me as I would have a contraction and getting all excited, which was annoying to me. I knew it was real when I felt a tightening across my entire stomach for about a minute. We waited until about 10 pm to call the doctor and, of course, he said wait until they're 3-5 minutes apart for a straight hour. So, I sat with a sheet of paper for an hour, recording all my contractions. I had about 10 contractions in an hour, so I called the doctor back. He gave the go ahead to head to the hospital. I don't recall being nervous or scared but I know I was quiet in the car during our 45 minute drive. TJ played Zac Brown on Pandora, which we both love, and we just listened holding hands. I did talk to my best friend Julie to let her know what was going on and she was super excited...giving me some last minute tips.
We got to the hospital around midnight and went straight to triage. We sat in a room, where I breathed through contractions for about 2 hours. They weren't painful yet, just lots of pressure. The nurse finally came in to check me and said I was still a 2 and I can't remember how thin I was at that point. Finally, around 230 am, they admitted us and we were sent to our room. I know I had the tv on, but have no idea what I was watching. The nurse told me I could have my epidural whenever, but since I was only a 2, I didn't want to get it yet. So, I breathed through more contractions, while TJ slept in the chair. It was around 430 am and the nurse checked me again. I was 5 cm, so I decided to get my epidural. I was the most scared of that, but it turned out not to be bad at all. I was expecting to be all relaxed after that and maybe get some sleep, but I was shaking so bad, I couldn't relax. They said that is a side effect of labor and the epidural. My parents and sis got to the hospital shortly after that and the waiting began. I progressed to a 7 and stopped. The doctor came in and started pitosin and said if I didn't make any more progress in an hour, I'd have to have a c section. I did not want that! So, my sis, being a L&D nurse, sat me up and turned me on each side in hopes that would make me dialate and make baby move down. Well....it worked. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to poop all over the bed! So much pressure! Even though I had the epidural, I could still feel my feet and feel the pressure. The nurse checked me and I was complete...time to push.
My sis kept telling me I could be pushing for hours, so naturally, wanting to prove her wrong, I pushed as hard as I possible could. It felt like my head was going to explode. I could hear TJ in my ear saying one more push she's almost out. Twenty minutes later she was born. It was 12:44 on Sunday, February 17 when our little angel came into this world. I was definitely overwhelmed with emotion, because I had just given birth to my daughter. They took her over to clean her up and had to pump her stomach twice because she had so much fluid in her lungs. It was then that we were hit with the news. The nurse examining her said "have they talked to you guys about a cleft palate?" I was like NO!
The rest is pretty much a blur. I think I was so exhausted and drugged up (I had pushed my epidural button several times and I'm pretty sure I accepted a percocet after delivery) that I couldn't process the reality of what was happening. We were able to take her to our room, like nothing was "wrong". It was when the nurse tried to feed her for the first time that we freaked out and realized that her situation was a big deal.
To make a long story short...The first night she spent in the nursery because of breathing issues. It was about 6 am that next morning that the NICU doctor came to our room to inform us that she was being admitted to the NICU because she kept losing oxygen during the night. We spent 5 days in the NICU and for the first few nights we were scared out of our minds. TJ and I slept on the floor/ couch in her room in the NICU. She had to be placed on her side at all times and fed with a special bottle. Because of the cleft palate, she couldn't nurse, so I pumped everyday, trying to get my milk in. It was only after speaking to the craniofacial surgeon and some of the members on the cleft palate team, that we started to feel some comfort.
Charlee was born 8 lbs 10.5 oz and 21.5 inches long. She had the most beautiful, big eyes and was so alert. I remember walking into her NICU room and she would be laying there wrapped up in her burrito, wide awake, just looking around. The doctors believe she has what is called Pierre Robin Sequence: a cleft palate, a small jaw, and tongue tied.
I prayed every night to have a healthy baby and begged God to please make her "normal". I was devastated when it all hit me that our little baby had special needs and by the time she was one year old, she would be having surgery to repair her palate. It was too much to swallow at that time. In those 5 days of her being in the hospital, I went from scared, worried, angry to happy, hopeful, and at peace with her. I have to believe now that God had this planned for us from the start. He made TJ and I stronger over the past few years as we endured loss and defeat and sadness. Then, when he thought we were ready, he picked us to be Charlee's parents. He knew it would take a special mom and dad to take care of this special little girl.
We got to the hospital around midnight and went straight to triage. We sat in a room, where I breathed through contractions for about 2 hours. They weren't painful yet, just lots of pressure. The nurse finally came in to check me and said I was still a 2 and I can't remember how thin I was at that point. Finally, around 230 am, they admitted us and we were sent to our room. I know I had the tv on, but have no idea what I was watching. The nurse told me I could have my epidural whenever, but since I was only a 2, I didn't want to get it yet. So, I breathed through more contractions, while TJ slept in the chair. It was around 430 am and the nurse checked me again. I was 5 cm, so I decided to get my epidural. I was the most scared of that, but it turned out not to be bad at all. I was expecting to be all relaxed after that and maybe get some sleep, but I was shaking so bad, I couldn't relax. They said that is a side effect of labor and the epidural. My parents and sis got to the hospital shortly after that and the waiting began. I progressed to a 7 and stopped. The doctor came in and started pitosin and said if I didn't make any more progress in an hour, I'd have to have a c section. I did not want that! So, my sis, being a L&D nurse, sat me up and turned me on each side in hopes that would make me dialate and make baby move down. Well....it worked. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to poop all over the bed! So much pressure! Even though I had the epidural, I could still feel my feet and feel the pressure. The nurse checked me and I was complete...time to push.
My sis kept telling me I could be pushing for hours, so naturally, wanting to prove her wrong, I pushed as hard as I possible could. It felt like my head was going to explode. I could hear TJ in my ear saying one more push she's almost out. Twenty minutes later she was born. It was 12:44 on Sunday, February 17 when our little angel came into this world. I was definitely overwhelmed with emotion, because I had just given birth to my daughter. They took her over to clean her up and had to pump her stomach twice because she had so much fluid in her lungs. It was then that we were hit with the news. The nurse examining her said "have they talked to you guys about a cleft palate?" I was like NO!
The rest is pretty much a blur. I think I was so exhausted and drugged up (I had pushed my epidural button several times and I'm pretty sure I accepted a percocet after delivery) that I couldn't process the reality of what was happening. We were able to take her to our room, like nothing was "wrong". It was when the nurse tried to feed her for the first time that we freaked out and realized that her situation was a big deal.
To make a long story short...The first night she spent in the nursery because of breathing issues. It was about 6 am that next morning that the NICU doctor came to our room to inform us that she was being admitted to the NICU because she kept losing oxygen during the night. We spent 5 days in the NICU and for the first few nights we were scared out of our minds. TJ and I slept on the floor/ couch in her room in the NICU. She had to be placed on her side at all times and fed with a special bottle. Because of the cleft palate, she couldn't nurse, so I pumped everyday, trying to get my milk in. It was only after speaking to the craniofacial surgeon and some of the members on the cleft palate team, that we started to feel some comfort.
Charlee was born 8 lbs 10.5 oz and 21.5 inches long. She had the most beautiful, big eyes and was so alert. I remember walking into her NICU room and she would be laying there wrapped up in her burrito, wide awake, just looking around. The doctors believe she has what is called Pierre Robin Sequence: a cleft palate, a small jaw, and tongue tied.
I prayed every night to have a healthy baby and begged God to please make her "normal". I was devastated when it all hit me that our little baby had special needs and by the time she was one year old, she would be having surgery to repair her palate. It was too much to swallow at that time. In those 5 days of her being in the hospital, I went from scared, worried, angry to happy, hopeful, and at peace with her. I have to believe now that God had this planned for us from the start. He made TJ and I stronger over the past few years as we endured loss and defeat and sadness. Then, when he thought we were ready, he picked us to be Charlee's parents. He knew it would take a special mom and dad to take care of this special little girl.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I wish I was holding my new little Valentine right now, but turns out I'm still pregnant! The last two doctors I've seen have told me that they will not induce until 41 weeks, which is not what the other doctor had originally told me a few weeks ago. That's a whole week from now...I can't imagine that. I'm 2 cm dilated and 80% thinned, which is what I was last week so no progress really. I was kind of bummed about that, but the doctor said that was still good. When they did the sono last week, she was measuring 7lbs14oz, give or take a pound. He didn't seem concerned about the baby's size...saying " oh, she's probably about 8 lbs or so." Easy for him to say. He doesn't have to push this baby out of his vagina. Plus...if she's still in there next Wed. How much bigger will she be???? I'm losing weight at each appt., so does that mean she's gaining it??? I just want her out already!
I know she'll come when she's ready and things happen for a reason. Most women wait ten months to meet their baby, but I've been waiting almost 3 years! Maybe that's why I'm so anxious. TJ said last night that we should be cherishing each day because it could be the last time Charlee is in my belly or it could even be the last time I have a pregnant belly. I'm trying not to get too upset or frustrated, but it is hard. After being pregnant for 40 weeks, it's hard to cherish this belly and not just want this baby out!
I'm really hoping she comes within the next few days. I stopped working last week, so I'm just home trying to find stuff to do. I've cleaned, done laundry, repacked bags...everything is done! I keep watching A Baby Story on TLC and it just makes me want this baby even more! It also makes me nervous not knowing how my labor is going to go. I'm not really scared about it anymore, just ready for it to happen.
Come on baby Charlee....you have a world of people ready to meet you!
I know she'll come when she's ready and things happen for a reason. Most women wait ten months to meet their baby, but I've been waiting almost 3 years! Maybe that's why I'm so anxious. TJ said last night that we should be cherishing each day because it could be the last time Charlee is in my belly or it could even be the last time I have a pregnant belly. I'm trying not to get too upset or frustrated, but it is hard. After being pregnant for 40 weeks, it's hard to cherish this belly and not just want this baby out!
I'm really hoping she comes within the next few days. I stopped working last week, so I'm just home trying to find stuff to do. I've cleaned, done laundry, repacked bags...everything is done! I keep watching A Baby Story on TLC and it just makes me want this baby even more! It also makes me nervous not knowing how my labor is going to go. I'm not really scared about it anymore, just ready for it to happen.
Come on baby Charlee....you have a world of people ready to meet you!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Still Longing...
When I started this blog almost a year ago, I titled it longing to be a mommy because that's what I was feeling and doing at that time. It was the only thing that mattered to me. I endured a lot of pain and obstacles over the last year, but it has all been worth it. I'm sitting here 38 weeks pregnant, longing to be a Mommy! I know technically I am a mother. I have been caring for and protecting this little one inside me for 9 months, so I do feel motherly in that way. However, I am still waiting for that moment when I see her for the first time, I touch her for the first time, and I watch TJ with her for the first time. Everyone says it's an indescribable feeling and I can't wait for that.
I am so ready to have this baby. We are just waiting in anticipation for something to happen. Even though I'm scared, I just want to be in labor so I know it's happening and that she will be coming very soon. Right now, it's just a guessing game of when will it be?
I have an appt. and sono on Wed to see the size of her and I will be talking with the Dr. about doing an elective inducing at 39 weeks if she's not here by then. My office does that for patients who are traveling a distance or when the baby is big, so I fit both the requirements. I'm 1-2 cm and 90% effaced as of 5 days ago, so I was hoping something would happen before the appt. on Wed but there's no way to predict how things will go. Could be tonight...could be next week, who knows. All I know, is that we are so ready to meet Charlee and become parents for the first time. We are ready for her to change our lives forever!
I am so ready to have this baby. We are just waiting in anticipation for something to happen. Even though I'm scared, I just want to be in labor so I know it's happening and that she will be coming very soon. Right now, it's just a guessing game of when will it be?
I have an appt. and sono on Wed to see the size of her and I will be talking with the Dr. about doing an elective inducing at 39 weeks if she's not here by then. My office does that for patients who are traveling a distance or when the baby is big, so I fit both the requirements. I'm 1-2 cm and 90% effaced as of 5 days ago, so I was hoping something would happen before the appt. on Wed but there's no way to predict how things will go. Could be tonight...could be next week, who knows. All I know, is that we are so ready to meet Charlee and become parents for the first time. We are ready for her to change our lives forever!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
37 weeks
The countdown has definitely begun. I am down to the last few weeks of pregnancy and I'm anxious to meet Charlee. I am scared to death of labor but am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Not that I've had a bad pregnancy, I'm just uncomfortable and every little pain or cramp leaves me wondering if this is it.
I haven't updated my blog in awhile so I need to catch it up. A few weeks ago I had an u/s to measure the size of the baby. At that point she was 5 lbs 12 oz, which I guess was a little on the big side. Nothing to worry about the Doctor said. At the next appt, another doctor told me to expect at least an 8 lb baby by delivery. Then, at my last appt. which was a few days ago, I was 1/2 cm dilated...whew! This doctor told me to expect at least 8 1/2 lbs!! So, I have another u/s in 2 weeks to see the size of the baby again and he predicted I would still be pregnant then. I have only gained 2 lbs in the last 8 weeks, so I guess she is the one gaining at this point. Don't get me wrong, I want a healthy baby, but the thought of having to push out an 8-9 lb baby freaks me out. I'm hoping the doctors are a little off on her size.
It's amazing to me how active she still is. She stretches and squirms all over in there. I just watch my belly roll and wave. I have to admit at times, it is extremely uncomfortable. She is head down and the doctor said her head is really low, which is good. It feels like she wants out just as bad as I want her out.
The nursery is done, carseat ready, bags packed....we are ready as far as those things go. We feel ready mentally and both of us are excited to see her and hold her. It's just the not knowing that makes this hard. Although the doctor said I would probably go full term, there's no telling what could happen. I just want to make it the hospital and get the epidural. Is it bad that that's my main goal? I go back to the doctor in 4 days, so we will see if I've made any progress from a whopping 1/2 cm. I've been having more Braxton Hicks and have had menstrual like cramping, which doc said is good. We will have to wait and see when and how Charlee will make her debut...can't wait!!!!
I haven't updated my blog in awhile so I need to catch it up. A few weeks ago I had an u/s to measure the size of the baby. At that point she was 5 lbs 12 oz, which I guess was a little on the big side. Nothing to worry about the Doctor said. At the next appt, another doctor told me to expect at least an 8 lb baby by delivery. Then, at my last appt. which was a few days ago, I was 1/2 cm dilated...whew! This doctor told me to expect at least 8 1/2 lbs!! So, I have another u/s in 2 weeks to see the size of the baby again and he predicted I would still be pregnant then. I have only gained 2 lbs in the last 8 weeks, so I guess she is the one gaining at this point. Don't get me wrong, I want a healthy baby, but the thought of having to push out an 8-9 lb baby freaks me out. I'm hoping the doctors are a little off on her size.
It's amazing to me how active she still is. She stretches and squirms all over in there. I just watch my belly roll and wave. I have to admit at times, it is extremely uncomfortable. She is head down and the doctor said her head is really low, which is good. It feels like she wants out just as bad as I want her out.
The nursery is done, carseat ready, bags packed....we are ready as far as those things go. We feel ready mentally and both of us are excited to see her and hold her. It's just the not knowing that makes this hard. Although the doctor said I would probably go full term, there's no telling what could happen. I just want to make it the hospital and get the epidural. Is it bad that that's my main goal? I go back to the doctor in 4 days, so we will see if I've made any progress from a whopping 1/2 cm. I've been having more Braxton Hicks and have had menstrual like cramping, which doc said is good. We will have to wait and see when and how Charlee will make her debut...can't wait!!!!
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