Tickled Pink

I thought it would take forever for Sept. 19 to get here.  This was our scheduled u/s appointment and the day we could find out what we were having.  I guess it wasn't until about 12 weeks that I started to feel that it was a girl tumbling around in my belly.  I think the fact that all of TJ's family telling me it would be a girl probably got me thinking that way.  But, all my dreams have always been of me holding a baby girl...never a boy.  I just had a strong feeling that it was a girl.  I honestly was going to be shocked if they told me boy...not disappointed, just shocked.

My dad surprised me and came to the u/s.  They called us back at 1:30 on the dot..thank God for no waiting.  I was already anxious enough.  I felt like I was going to poop my pants!  It was my first tummy u/s too and the sonographer did a lot of measurements and checking anatomy before we could take a peek between the legs.  She counted...2 hands, 2 feet, 2 arms, 2 legs, measured the head, checked the nose and lips...sometimes we could make out the body parts and other times we were like..wtf is that???  It took her a little bit to measure because this baby was super active and wouldn't stay still.  The sonographer even said that I wasn't lying when I've said I feel the baby moving.  Finally, it was time to see if it was a boy or a girl.  Right away, she got the perfect view and froze the frame, pointing out there were not boy parts so it was definitely A GIRL!!!!!! All I could think to myself was I knew it.  I felt it.  I cried and had a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the day.  I think TJ got a little more scared knowing that he's going to have a little girl to take care of for the rest of his life, along with me.  And if she does half the stuff we've done...we are in big trouble!!!

It's an amazing, yet terrifying feeling, knowing that you are going to be a parent. I'm already thinking of the things I will teach her, the things I want her exposed to and the things I don't.  It's crazy because you can try to mold this person into what you want her to be or what you never were.  I want the absolute best for her already.  I love knowing that she's a girl and I can call her by her name and not "it".  Speaking of the name...we struggled with the girl name.  We've had our boy name picked out for years, but the girl we couldn't get.  Originally, I liked the name Bryn, but it just wasn't sticking with me like our boy name always has.  We went through a name book of 50,000 plus names and still had no luck.  We tossed around a few, but again nothing stuck until we were in Missouri in August for vacation.  Someone mentioned Charlie...TJ's dad's name.  We thought about it and both really started liking it.  So, ever since...the name stuck.  Of course we've had doubts about it because it is usually a boy's name, but when we thought of the meaning and the fact that she will carry on her grandpa's full name put to rest our fears.  I think she will be proud to know that she is named after her grandfather, a strong and hard-working man.  We've changed the spelling to feminize the name a little and her middle name is after my Aunt Tina.  We also have Charlie on the Symmes' side too, so the name couldn't be more perfect...
We can't wait to meet you Charlee Christine.

I can feel her move now all day, everyday.  TJ has yet to feel her, but I think over the next week or two, he will be able to.  My belly is definitely out there now.  I think around the 16 week, it really popped out.  I have some occassional cramps and aches, which I attribute to growing and stretching.  Sometimes I already feel like I'm waddling and I'm only 19 weeks!  Almost half way there.  It is still unbelievable to me sometimes, knowing everything we went through to get here, not knowing if we'd ever get here.  I feel so very blessed to have this experience.  I'm peeing every 10 minutes it feels like and am now sleeping with a pillow between my legs, but I wouldn't change a thing.  Especially knowing now who it is all for...my precious baby girl. 

33 years old and 17 weeks pregnant

When I was a little girl, I thought I'd be married at 22 and having my first baby around 24.  Well, that didn't work out...thank God because at 22, I had no business being a married woman!  I'm glad I had all my 20's to figure out who I was and what I wanted and to experience life with my friends and make my own choices.  When I met TJ at 26, we knew within the first few weeks that we were going to be married someday.  I do believe that when you meet that special someone, you just know.  At least, that's how it happened for me.  So, at 30, I married my soul mate and now at 33, I am pregnant with our first baby.  It's not the timeline I had originally planned, but I know things happen for a reason.  The first few years of marriage are supposed to be the happiest, especially if you start trying for a family.  Unfortunately, that's not how our first few years went.  Although there were happy times and our love remained constant, we were faced with disappointment and sadness.  Maybe God knew that we weren't ready to be parents when we had our miscarriage almost two years ago and for some reason pregnancy wouldn't happen as easily for us as it does most people.  I don't know the real reasons for the last two years, but I do know that it has changed us as people and as a married couple.  It has strengthened us and taught us how to be a team and how to support one another in times of happiness and in times of heartache.  I believe now that God has been preparing us for this baby and for the life ahead.  Looking back now, as I gaze at my growing belly, I wouldn't change a thing.  Maybe that sounds saddistic, but everything we've been through has gotten us to this exact point today and has brought us this miracle, hand picked just for us.

Back to baby...In just 10 days we will find out whether we're having a sweet girl or a sweet boy.  I am hoping this week flies by and the 19th comes very quick!  Everyone asks if I have any ideas.  If I were to listen to the old wives tales and take into account that I've had dreams of my baby and it's always a girl...I'd say girl.  But, I know I can't count on anything being accurate except that ultrasound.  So, I guess we will have to wait!  I haven't really bought anything because I'm not a gender neutral kind of shopper.  So, I can't wait to find out so we can finally start buying things and start tossing around nursery ideas. 

It's amazing how quickly my body has changed.  I swear I can feel my stomach stretching, especially at night.  Sometimes it feels like it's going to pop.  I have cellulite on my ass and upper legs that I catch out of the corner of my eye as I walk by the bathroom mirror.  Then, I have to get the hand held mirror and look closer....BIG MISTAKE!  Not a pretty sight.  I guess I shouldn't worry because my husband is loving my new body and I've been praying for all this for years, so I should be celebrating the cellulite right?  I don't know how anyone could celebrate cottage cheese ass, but I'm trying.  I notice that I'm constantly touching my belly now.  I think it's just natural.  Sometimes, I don't even know I'm doing it.  I guess it's my way of touching and holding baby while it's nestled in there, until it's nestled in my own arms.

15 weeks

So far I've been truly blessed with an easy and comfortable pregnancy.  I had nausea in the beginning and have only been sick once. So, when work started back I thought I'd feel fine.  So, of course on the first day of school at about 8:15, I had to run to my office and puke my brains out in my trash can.  I was in the main office helping with parents and registration, etc...when a wave of nausea came over me and I had to haul ass out of there.  Luckily, I was not with kids or parents and was able to get sick in the privacy of my own office.  I felt fine for the rest of the day and haven't been sick again since.  I guess Baby G was just making sure I hadn't forgotten about him/her.

I had an appointment this week and got to hear hear the heartbeat which was 144 bpm.  I scheduled my  next u/s on Sept. 19 and that's when we will find out the sex.  I am so excited and I hope the next 3 weeks go by super fast.  Of course I'm excited to know the sex, but I'm also excited just to see the baby again.  I keep imagining how that moment will go when the tech says boy or girl and I picture us bursting into tears and laughing with joy.  I can't wait to share that with TJ.

I had another baby dream last night.  I've only had a handful of dreams, but it's always a girl.  I was holding our baby girl and she was wrapped in a blanket.  She was so tiny.  She also had red hair and looked like my niece Addison.  My family keeps joking that we're going to have a red-headed Mexican.  I can't picture having anything besides a dark-eyed, dark-haired baby, but you never know. 

I am still feeling that fluttering feeling in my lower belly.  It happens at least once a day.  The books say that between 15 and 16 weeks, the baby should be able to hear you.  I have to get used to that.  I'm definitely going to put a variety of music on my belly for the baby to listen to.  I want him/her to appreciate all genres of music, so why not start now.  It's never too early to listen to a little Bone or Lil Wayne right? 

A Change of Pace

I've been back to work for two days now and am experiencing something I wasn't sure I would...People congratulating me!  It's funny how word spreads, but my secret is out and I couldn't be prouder.  Most of my colleagues know that I had been struggling to get pregnant, but only a handful know I did IVF.  It's not that I'm ashamed, but it's not something you just come out and say.  If I'm asked or if it comes up, I'll share my story.  It's such a different vibe...being around other pregnant women and not dreading it or walking in on a teacher pumping and not secretly roll my eyes.  I never thought I'd be here, but now that I am it's like I can't believe I ever thought I wouldn't be here. (if that makes sense)

The nausea is mostly gone, but I am getting more frequent headaches.  I can not fit into any of my pants/jeans, so I'm wearing a few maternity things that are too big and don't fit right.  I bought a few capri pants in a bigger size, which fit around the waist but not in the butt or legs.  So, needless to say I am completely in between sizes right now.  I feel like I am way bigger than I'm supposed to be.  At night, my belly looks especially huge!  I look at my tummy in the mirror and am in awe of how my body has already changed shape.  The belly butter is being applied on a daily basis!  TJ loves it and says this is what we've been waiting for. 

It kind of hit me the other day...we are going to be responsible for another human being for the rest of our lives.  In just 6 months or so, we will be changing diapers, feeding, burping, rocking, and holding our baby (among other things).  It's a scary thought, but being parents is something TJ and I always knew we wanted.  I've shared so much with him over the last 6 years and can't wait to share this with him too.  I think he'll be a great dad.

Hello 2nd Trimester...

I have not been keeping up with my blogging or my journaling...shame on me...during one of the most important times in my life.  We've been quite busy lately, traveling to Missouri (TJ's home) and I am trying to get ready to go back to work in a week.  Excuses aside, I should've updated this right after my ultrasound so my feelings and thoughts were fresh, but I'll try my best to recreate the experience.

TJ wasn't able to go with me to the u/s simply bc he's had to ask so much time off lately with the IVF, his car accident, and his uncle's unexpected death. (I have not shared any of that info on this blog, but we've had a lot going on lately)  So, I was eager to share the experience between baby and me.  As soon as it popped up on the screen, I was taken away by the image.  The last time I saw "Baby G" was when I was 6 1/2 weeks and could only see what appeared to be a beating line.  But, wow, what a change.  It looked like an actual baby.  I could see the head and the body and the feet and the arms.  At one point, it actually clapped and crossed its feet.  I couldn't hold the tears back for this one.  It's just so hard to believe that that little thing is actually living inside me right now.  I was sorry that TJ missed it bc I know he would've been touched, but it was a 3 hour appointment full of paperwork, bloodwork, and exams...so it was probably better that he wasn't there.  I liked my new doctor and the appointment went smoothly.  I go back Aug 22 for just a check up, no u/s.  This means I will not be finding out the gender of the baby until 19 or 20 weeks, which seems like a lifetime!  I guess I can wait...impatiently. 

The entire family thinks it's going to be a girl.  I am trying not to feed into this because I want to keep on open mind.  I've had probably a handful of dreams since being pregnant about the baby and it's always a girl in my dreams.  I know this means nothing, but I think it's kind of odd that I've never dreamed of a boy.  We've bought just a couple things for the baby and family members have given us a few things also.  It's still just so hard to believe that I'm finally buying something for "our" baby.  

I'm  13 weeks now and definitely showing.  I think I've gained around 5 lbs.  At least once a day, I get this feeling down in my lower tummy.  It's hard to exlain, but it feels like a tingling or something and it only lasts a few seconds.  My sister says it's way too early to feel anything and it's probably just gas, but I believe I'm feeling something from the baby.  I know what gas feels like and this doesn't feel like gas!  I think I'm feeling the effects of the baby moving around.  I don't know for sure, but I look forward to it everyday.

I still thank God every day for our blessing and granting us this experience.  Everyone keeps saying "enjoy sitting around and doing nothing now bc you won't be doing that once the baby comes or get ready bc your life is going to change etc etc.."  Our responce: "We can't wait!"  


                                        
                                                      2D U/S Side View 10w6d

                                                         

Unexpected Change of Plans...

I was supposed to have my u/s with my OBGYN this past week.  I was excited to meet my new doctor and of course see our baby again.  Unfortunately, I got a call from the office explaining that we can not deliver at the local hospital because they do not take my insurance; therefore, I can not go to that office for my prenatal care either.  I was very upset and disappointed because I was born in that hospital, along with the fact that my sister works in labor and delivery there.  I was comfortable with the idea of having our baby there too.  So, after some research and a referral, I am seeing another doctor in another city and will deliver at a different hospital about 45 minutes from here.  It's a Women's Hospital and I've had friends who have delivered there and loved it.  The only part that scares me is the travel time, but I'm sure everything will be fine.  I believe everything happens for a reason and things always work out for the best.  So, I'm looking forward to meeting this new doctor and getting acquainted with this new office. 

As a result, I have my appointment next Wednesday.  I'll be almost 11 weeks then.  I am so anxious to see what the baby will look like.  The first time we saw it, it was just a straight line flickering away.  I've heard that it will actually look more like a baby.  I am also anxious to know that everything is ok in there.  I haven't had as much nausea as I was in the first few weeks and I actually cooked a hot meal last night for my hubby and was able to eat it.  (hot meals at night have not been appealing)  I feel good and blessed that I feel this good.  NO complaints here!

A few more weeks and I'll be into my 2nd Trimester.  Sometimes, I still can't believe it.  Some days I have a noticeable belly and then some days it looks normal again.  I can fit into most of my clothes still, unless I've eaten a huge meal.  My sister and sister-in-law have given me a bunch of maternity clothes.  It was funny to see TJ's face when I showed him all the pants and shorts with that elastic band around them.  He was like "really, you're going to wear those?" 

I have an app on my phone that tells me what is happening to my body and my baby each week.  Our baby is slightly 2 inches long now and weighs about 1/3 of an ounce.  Hair follicles are growing, along with nail beds.  If it's a girl, ovaries are developing and if it's a boy, testes are developing.  I can't wait to find out what we're having.  There's no way I can wait till February to find out.  I've waited long enough!!  People ask "Do you have a preference?"  Absolutely not.  I want a healthy baby...I know it sounds cliche, but it's totally true!  I have no preference at all and will be elated to have either a little TJ or a mini me.

9 Weeks

Tomorrow I will officially be 9 weeks pregnant.  I'm embracing it more and more each day.  I haven't gone out and bought anything yet, but we're definitely starting to talk about plans and the future.  That's something we haven't been able to do before.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I haven't had as much nausea and my pooch seems to only make an appearance at night.  I miss the gym.  I stopped working out a month before the actual IVF, due to all the meds.  I've been twice in the last few weeks, but only did 30 minutes of light cardio because I'm afraid of doing anything else.  Maybe I'll feel more secure in my 2nd trimester.  Ideally, I'd like to stay in good shape up until I deliver. 

We have our 2nd u/s in a week.  It'll be our first appointment with my regular OB.  I just want to see and hear the heartbeat again, so I know everything is ok in there.  I think my mom is going to come to this one and since I'll be almost 10 weeks, I'm hoping it'll look a litte more like a baby instead of a straight line.  Either way, I just want to know everything is ok and developing normally.  I'm thanking God every night for this gift and praying hard that this will be a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.